have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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