You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
