so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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