dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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