im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
