I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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