My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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