Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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