A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
