I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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