dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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