please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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