Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
