Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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