ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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