He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
