i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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