He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
