u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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