I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.