hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need moral support for this bender
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does