He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?