i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.