I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo