i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
