When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
