I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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