My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
