I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
