How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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