babies were throwing up all over the place
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
