I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
