I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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