can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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