Tell her she can't have a vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
