Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
