I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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