I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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