before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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