I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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