what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
