i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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