Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
