Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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