And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
