i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
