Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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