i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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