I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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