Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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