Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
