Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
