i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
