I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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