I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would fuck him just for his dog
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
