I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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