just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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