Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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