i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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