dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
